I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
