Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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