My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize