I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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