Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
