woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize