it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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