What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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