mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
