I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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