I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
