I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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