I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Randomize
