if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
