who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
