I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
