My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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