There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
