so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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