I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
