I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
