how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
