I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
