She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
