bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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