i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize