My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
