Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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