Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
