Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
