Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
