im holly from the hills drunk
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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