Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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