Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
