is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
