she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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