We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
