whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
