Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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