Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You pole danced in your parka.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
