I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
