these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
