If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're like the curious george of whores
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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