I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
