mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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