hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
