I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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