dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
