you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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