I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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