sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
