So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
