I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
