quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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