I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
