Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
