If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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