I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
