I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
