What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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