Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
