the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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