I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
