I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
