He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
