I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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