well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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