We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
