I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize