I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
