I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
