LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
