the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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