when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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