i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
