i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hippo gnu deer
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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