I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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