It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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