I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
