She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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