dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
