he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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