Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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