I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
