Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
