38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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