just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
