Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm passing your future prison.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
