Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
