anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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