seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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