"it" just moved
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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