If i come over, it means nothing
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
