I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
