some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
