Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
