Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
