oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
