he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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