he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love having hate sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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