You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
