I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize