it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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