I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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