Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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