The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
