I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize