dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
