Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
