been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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