just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
